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Staying right here.

When I was in Kindergarten, we had an album in our classroom that our teacher Ms. Blank would play. As a kid, I loved that album so much. It was a rough time for me and the lyrics on this album felt as if they were speaking to me directly.

“There’s a land that I see where the children are free
And I say it ain’t far to this land from where we are
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we’ll live” — Marlo Thomas

I felt compelled to run away. I wrote a note. I packed a small bag. I made a plan.

I was going to go to school that day, then I’d come home, eat a snack (of course) and get out. I was a latchkey kid so I would have time to finalize preparations and leave my note.

When I got home, though, my mom was there. I came in confused which quickly turned to panic when I realized she was holding my note. My aunt had come over during the day and I had left my note on the counter.

My mom was angry. Really angry. She yelled, “You are not going anywhere, you are staying right here!”

When you find out your kid wants to run away from you, your reaction shouldn’t be anger.

I was grounded for my thoughts. I was grounded for writing.

I’m not comfortable talking about how I am brave.

I’m comfortable staying right here.

Thank you for reading.

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Forgiving is for quitters?

I started counseling recently. It was very difficult just getting in the door for the first visit. I didn’t want to go. I was holding on to beliefs that didn’t make any sense. Simultaneously, I knew that I needed to go.

Podcasts. I joked that I don’t listen to podcasts but I do. A lot of them. Mostly dealing with psychology and therapy and brain chemistry and the list goes on. They all said the same thing. Do the work. Get the counseling or therapy, or get on meds if you need them. Do. The. Work.

My counselor gave me this.

It came with a series of pages that I have to fill out. That was three weeks ago. I haven’t done it. I’m doing it today. What would I like to achieve in 2023? I would like to fill out these pages and quit holding on to the past. As the title suggests. Forgiving is for quitters.

Thanks for reading.

Happy New Year.

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2023 – ¡Viva La Unresolutions!

2023, post pandemic-ish, I have a bunch of stuff I’m not going to stop doing this year.

  1. Wearing yoga pants.
  2. Blaming JJ Abrams for Star Trek and Star Wars.
  3. Telling Lyft drivers about my “college experience.”
  4. Main-lining queso.
  5. Waiting for a sequel to Rollerbabies.
  6. Breaking Bad.
  7. Trying to bring back berets.
  8. Pulling a three-hole punched ruler out of my Trapper Keeper.
  9. Missing Prince. And George Michael. And MCA. And XXXTentacion. And Bushwick Bill. And Scott La Rock. And Biggie. And . . .
  10. Hoping for a Negan spin-off.
  11. Pretending I listen to podcasts.
  12. Making non-ironic ironic transcendental existential comments at awkward moments to millennials in skinny jeans.
  13. Wearing skinny jeans.
  14. Translating everything into Latin on Google Translate.
  15. Texting George RR Martin about the Winds of Winter. WRITE. THE. DAMN. BOOK!
  16. Telling kids about Nancy Reagan.
  17. Saying “NO” to drugs.
  18. Eating my Double-Double, animal style.
  19. Accepting awards on someone else’s behalf.
  20. Judging other peoples’ “Best Life.”
  21. Holding aloft a boom box when “In Your Eyes” comes on.
  22. Impersonating Jack Nicholson.
  23. Testing out new jokes on my shrink.
  24. Lying about my age. I say I’m 50, but I’m only 49. Heh. I showed them!
  25. Shadow Boxing Mike Tyson.
  26. Proclaiming that I’m training for a marathon anytime I stretch anything.
  27. Insisting that I am fine to drive even though I have clearly had too many tacos.
  28. Pumping my fist to Miley Cyrus songs.
  29. Nerd-splaining the Three Body Problem to people who don’t care.
  30. Thinking Doom Patrol is the best.

Peace in 2023 people. Be good to each other. We’re all we’ve got.