Staying right here.

When I was in Kindergarten, we had an album in our classroom that our teacher Ms. Blank would play. As a kid, I loved that album so much. It was a rough time for me and the lyrics on this album felt as if they were speaking to me directly.

“There’s a land that I see where the children are free
And I say it ain’t far to this land from where we are
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we’ll live” — Marlo Thomas

I felt compelled to run away. I wrote a note. I packed a small bag. I made a plan.

I was going to go to school that day, then I’d come home, eat a snack (of course) and get out. I was a latchkey kid so I would have time to finalize preparations and leave my note.

When I got home, though, my mom was there. I came in confused which quickly turned to panic when I realized she was holding my note. My aunt had come over during the day and I had left my note on the counter.

My mom was angry. Really angry. She yelled, “You are not going anywhere, you are staying right here!”

When you find out your kid wants to run away from you, your reaction shouldn’t be anger.

I was grounded for my thoughts. I was grounded for writing.

I’m not comfortable talking about how I am brave.

I’m comfortable staying right here.

Thank you for reading.

9 Replies to “Staying right here.”

  1. I’m sorry that you felt the need to get away as a kid. And sorry that you got yelled at.
    I think it’s really brave of you to write it out here.
    Hope your day is good ❣️ wishing you all the great things ☺️🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This conjures up some well-repressed memories from several angles. I am fascinated by the human condition and I’m grateful you took the time to share. It’s a two way street… this gift.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When my niece, age 16, was dying of cancer she asked her mom, “Will you forget me?” (She had good reason to wonder, too, having been forgotten-about so often in her life–her mom having substance abuse & relationship issues.)
    Her mom reacted quite sternly. “No I won’t forget you? If I died, would you forget me? Huh? You wouldn’t forget me, would you? Of course I won’t.”
    It seemed totally the wrong thing to say. Sometimes a kid just needs some loving reassurance: “I really love you. I’ll miss you. I’ll never forget you.” Sadly, some parents, like your mom, just don’t sense that need. My sympathies to the child you were.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Although, I will say… if you like who you have chosen to become, it’s hard not to credit the challenges we faced rather than blame them.

    Like

  5. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage. In revisiting such moments with the perspective gained from living, surviving, thriving, it’s not about blame. Rather, it’s about release. May you continue to let go and let live. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It was touching to read little you’s efforts to be free and authentic. Though your mother did not see, honor, validate or nurture your feelings as should have happened.
    Maybe it is not too late to be free, to be you. Maybe there are other ways to run away. I daresay many of us relate to that need, to be free. Maybe we find ways.
    I will find it in workouts, in holidays, in meditation, in writing a book perhaps. I am sure there are ways to be free, despite reality (and not incuding drugs !)
    thanks for sharing
    Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It is scary to contemplate losing who we love. And self-expression deserves consideration always. His album was also pivotal to me and rings loud still. I’m glad I got to spend some time with the older you who did get away, and thanks for this peek at little yearning you.

    Liked by 1 person

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