I have recently learned that multiple politicians have been keeping top secret documents at their houses. I guess I didn’t learn it but it has been prevalent in the media lately so it feels new.
I keep track of politics, I vote, and I pay taxes but I don’t necessarily think too much about politics or politicians in my day to day life; so when I saw a video of Mike Pence being contrite about keeping Top Secret documents at his house, I didn’t care.
I imagine Pence shifting through some mail on his desk and discovering that he had some folders with “TOP SECRET” stamped in red on them.
“OOPS! Darn it.” he would exclaim. I don’t think he is capable of cursing.
Then he would show his wife and she would scold him and tell him, “I think you know what to do, Mr. Pence.” I also imagine his wife calls him Mr. Pence.
Then that fly would buzz, “You better FLY straight, Mr. Pence!” Then that fly would then crack up at his own joke.
Then Mr. Pence would call his lawyers and his team of experts and they would advise him to “Get in front of this” and “Be Compliant.”
Mr. Pence would go on TV and apologize and bow his head and we would forgive him because he’s so darn authentic.
Then those men in black would come collect the documents and analyze them and assess the threat posed by those documents and take pictures and statements and fingerprints and hair samples and covid tests and there would be three people in Hazmat suits that would actually collect the documents. They would put them in sealed containers and fly them to an undisclosed location. Then mark them with an uninterpretable code, crate them and wheel them into oblivion.
And when all that was done, Mr. Pence would sigh and his shoulders would relax exactly one-eighth of an inch.
Thank you for reading.
Jesse Kuntz 