Blog

Posted on

Eat Your Vitamins and Say Your Prayers

Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your favorite sports to watch and play?
View all responses

It was early August, 1988. I was 15 and just beginning my sophomore year in high school while living in Bayfield, Colorado. We were back in School and all of us were eagerly awaiting one thing and one thing only.

SUMMER SLAM 88!

This event had everything, including The Honky Tonk Man versus The Ultimate Warrior. 

That would have been enough but there was one match up we were out of our minds about; The Mega-Powers versus The Mega-Bucks. Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage versus Andre the Giant and Ted Dibiase. 

Some background. We were young but we were not fools. By then we all knew it was fake and we didn’t care. The characters and the stories had been with us since we started watching wrestling when the likes of The Claw and George “The Animal” Steele were around. We liked watching it and we liked being fans.

Before the event a small group of us gathered together and pooled our money. We purchased the Pay-Per-View event to be viewed at my house because I had a satellite dish and a decent TV.

We all gathered to watch and some of us even dressed the part, in particular, one friend had painted his face like the Ultimate Warrior.

I had always been a Hulk Hogan fan. You might even say a Hulkamaniac. I just thought he was entertaining. He would shout, “Whatcha gonna do when the 24 inch pythons run wild on you!” and then flex his biceps and then I would flex my pea-shooters. Before a match Hulk would say to his opponent, “Eat your vitamins and say your prayers.” and I would crack up.

It seemed like good clean fun.

Today, when you search for Hulk Hogan it is not so entertaining. I won’t recount all his scandals but I will say I am no longer a Hulkamaniac. 

I was also raised a Minnesota Twins fan and I will still listen to some baseball on the radio because I enjoy the sound of the commentators and the game; However; the Twins had Kirby Puckett, another of my childhood idols who time has revealed to not be so great. 

Sometimes, it is hard to be a fan of any of it.

Maybe Hulk and Kirby would have been better off if they had eaten their vitamins and said their prayers.

Posted on

All Aboard!

Bloganuary writing prompt
Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.
View all responses

My dad was a train guy. He built model trains. When I was a kid, we had a spare room in our house dedicated to his model trains. He loved trains and he would take me places and we would look at trains together. Good stuff.

I went to Durango High School in Durango Colorado. That’s right, home to the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Train. I loved that train. I was a sandwich-board-man giving out information to tourists in the summer and part of my gig was to go and wave at the train when it left and go and wave at the train when it came back. I’d get soot all over me from head to toe but it felt authentic and people on the train would smile their faces off and wave back. It was great.

Now, I drive to Chicago from Rockford often. Every time I pass a brown and white sign indicating the exit for the Illinois Railway Museum. Something I should have taken my kids to and should be interested in. I mean, I like trains too.

The reality is that I’m annoyed when a train jams me up at a crossing. I shake my fist and shout, “What is this? The 1800’s!”

I loved the time with my dad and his trains and I loved seeing the Old Narrow Gauge roll in and out of Durango and I’ve always thought about going to the train museum, maybe someday – Toot Toot!

Thanks for Reading.

Posted on

Sings,”The Things We Do For Fun!”

Bloganuary writing prompt
List five things you do for fun.
View all responses

I couldn’t write this morning so I have had this prompt bouncing around in my head to the tune of The Things We Do for Love by the band 10CC which actually has been an obstacle to my thoughts on the things I do for fun.

All I kept coming back to was walking in the rain and the snow when there’s no where to go.

I finally broke the ear-worm’s spell when I cued up my playlist “Blading” and listened to A Rollerskating Jam Named Saturdays by De La Soul on my walk from work.

The song and the playlist remind me of two of my favorite fun activities. Rollerblading and making playlists.

Playlists

I have a playlist for every occasion. I have one for chilling and one for relaxing (They are very different.). I have eight different gym workout playlists with different styles of music for different types of workouts, you cannot lift weights to System of the Down’s Toxicity but you can box to it and you cannot box to Red Cloud’s Broken Jaw but you can lift weights to it. 

I have been on roller-skates as far back as I can remember but I do not who introduced them to me.  I had seen my dad on skates a couple of times and it wasn’t pretty so I know it wasn’t him. I remember my mom being on skates a few times but I don’t remember her going regularly. I remember mostly going with friends.

We had a roller rink near my house called The Big Apple in Apple Valley, Minnesota where I spent some of my childhood. I was there a lot as a kid.

The summer between sixth and seventh grade I moved with my mom to Colorado Springs but I stayed with my dad that summer.  He bought me my first pair of rollerblades. 

Back then, they had heavy metal frames and you had to buy ice skate boots to attach them to, but, man, were they cool.

I’ve continued skating throughout my life in all the places I’ve lived. I skated the bike path near our house in Rockford several times last summer. Sometimes I skate with my kids.

It has always been a very freeing experience to me and it just makes me feel good.

Thanks for reading.

Posted on

If Cats Could Drive

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
View all responses

Think how great it would be if your pets could drive. Not the dog, she’d be a mess, but the cats could do it. Well really just Tuffy. How great would it be if she could drive and I could do my errands without having to park or (Ring) . . . um . . . excuse me. (Ring)

Tuffy in the background, Two-Spot in the foreground

“Hello?”

“Hey Man.”

“Who is this?”

“It’s me, Tuffy.”

“My cat?”

“I don’t really like labels but yeah, Tuffy.”

“Where are you?”

“In the car.”

“Are you stuck?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be right out.”

“No, I’m not stuck in the car. I’m stuck on 90, just past the merge but not quite to Irving Park.”

“Um.”

“I know. Chicago traffic sucks!”

“Where are you going?”

“Got a call from my cousin in Pilsen. They are throwing a party. I’ll be back before sun up but that’s not why I called.”

“Oh?”

“Tell Two-Spot to stay outta my food.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Ciao.”

(Click)

“Hello, Tuffy?”

Thank you for reading.

Posted on

Take Care of Your Name

Bloganuary writing prompt
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
View all responses
My Dad.

I liked hearing my dad say my name. He would call me Jess.

He’s passed now but I can still hear in my mind how it sounded when he would say it.

When I think about it, I like it when people say my name in general.

It’s such a simple thing to say someone’s name and fill it with kind thoughts and nice feelings.

I was not raised to understand the value that a person’s name has to them or that a name needs to be protected and maintained. I didn’t know that everything you are gets packed into the letters and sound of your name. 

I haven’t always been careful with my name but I’m working on it.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for reading.

Posted on

A Lower Vantage Point.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What’s your dream job?
View all responses

I used to work with a guy who just wanted to sit down. That was his go-to every time something was happening. ”Let’s all just sit the hell down,”he would emphatically demand. 

It was effective. Whatever shit-storm we were in didn’t seem so bad from the lower vantage point. 

Once, we had a motivational presenter do a spiel at us in our office. They went around the room asking what everyone’s “dream job” was. My boss at the time said he wanted to own various businesses to expand his portfolio. I said I wanted to own my own theatre company. The sit down guy’s dream job? You guessed it, to sit the hell down.

“What is your dream job?”

“To sit the hell down!”

We used to make fun of him a bit. To his face, we weren’t a-holes. Now that I’m 50, I understand that guy a little more. I look at all the jobs I have had, the ones I am currently at, and the ones I may yet have and I think, “This is stupid.”

So much output, so little return. Money, success, fame, exhausting.

I want to go home, see my family and ask them to sit the hell down with me.

Barbara, our Chihuahua, needs to sit down too.

Posted on

The “Necessity is the Mother of Un-Invention” Bureau

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could un-invent something, what would it be?
View all responses

Daniel flipped up the plastic protective cover exposing the key pad underneath. He quickly punched in the numbers, “01-01-2324”

April looked over at the display above the keypad which repeated the numbers Daniel had typed in. ”Are you sure?” she asked.

“No,” Daniel answered solemnly, “but we have to start somewhere, or sometime rather.”

He closed the protective cover and turned his chair toward the front of the craft where the main display came to life, also repeating the same number he had typed in. Below the number a countdown commenced. “One minute and counting.” he intoned.

“I’ve heard of reverse engineering but this, this seems improbable at best.” April averred ominously.

“Well, you have 50 seconds to decide if we should abort.” Daniel countered.

“It’s just that, time is delicate.” She pursued.

“Yes, but we are not going backwards, we are going forwards, so, technically what we are doing has already happened.” Daniel shrugged.

April continued, “I know. but going forward to prevent something that hasn’t happened.”

“That we know of.” Daniel inserted.

“Something that hasn’t happened, that we know of, seems dangerous,” April concluded.

“Twenty seconds.” Daniel opened a plastic cover over an internally lit red plunger which flashed every other second. ”There is the abort button.”

April considered it and then receded. ”No, it’s worth trying.”

“Necessity is the mother of Un-invention.” Daniel stated.

April reports, “Yes, it is. We are going forward to prevent others from coming back. Ten Seconds.”

Daniel closed the plastic cover over the abort plunger and nodded at April.

April returned the nod and turned toward the front of the craft, “Un-inventing time travel in three, two, one.”

The world around Daniel and April blurred out of existence.

The end.

Posted on

Don’t ask me!

St. Peter stands in front of two giant golden gates.

“What is your favorite animal?” He asks. ”You get to spend eternity with one animal, now choose!”

I decry, “I can’t! Why would you do this, why would you ask me to choose only one?”

“It’s the rules.” St Peter indicates a sign on the wall next to the gate indicating that only one eternal pet friend per resident will be allowed.

“I thought they would all be here!” I wail.

Then, patiently, he explains,”It’s a final test. Just because you choose King the German Shepard or Miss Kitty the all white feline doesn’t mean they choose you.”

I’m stumped. ”It doesn’t?”

“No, it doesn’t. Maybe Miss Kitty liked your mom more? Maybe King was preferential to your father. It’s a test to see which you would choose to see if it lines up with who they would choose. Choose poorly and, well, you may not get in here at all.”

“If I don’t choose the proper pet, who also chooses me, then I may not be allowed in?” I ask.

“Yes.” he smirks.

“Don’t you think the cat might not choose the right person just because?” I query.

“Hmpf. Perhaps.” he snorts.

“And wouldn’t a dog really just be as happy with anyone?” I ponder.

“I suppose” he jeers.

“Don’t even get me started on how the fish, bunnies or guinea pig would feel.” I offer.

“It’s complicated.” he answers.

“Then, I choose to NOT choose!” I assert confidently.

St Peter pauses for a moment and then allows, “Fine. you get in.” 

The doors begin to open slowly as beautiful music streams from within.

“And, YES, they are all here.” St. Peter gestures to all the pet friends I had ever had. Even the baby possum we hung orange slices on the bushes for is there waving a it’s little paws at me joyfully.

The end.

This piece is part of #bloganuary 2024.

Posted on

What’s for dinner?

I was raised on meals that came pre-made. Swanson’s Chicken Pot Pie, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Spaghetti-Os, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and Campbell’s Tomato Soup; however, my favorite was the Salisbury Steak.

I would get home from school. Heat up the oven, toss in a frozen meal, prepare my TV tray, and then plop down on the couch.

By the time an episode of Scooby-Doo and an episode of Super Friends had run, my meal would be ready and I could eat while watching Little House on the Prairie and Gilligan’s Island.

I wasn’t really expected to know how to cook. My parent’s both worked and I had to be able to feed myself. It was how things worked for a lot of kids in the late 70’s and 80’s.

To be clear, there were home cooked family meals but I was not a participant in the preparing.

I didn’t begin cooking until I had a family of my own and I am an amateur for certain. I do very much enjoy it though.

Last night, I made chicken soup. I had a kid that was under the weather and I had a yen for it.

It was a simple recipe.

4 cups of pre-cooked rotisserie chicken

48 ounces of chicken Broth

3 celery sticks diced

2 large carrots diced

1 onion diced

1 jalapeño diced (Wasn’t in the recipe but I put jalapeño in everything.)

1/2 teaspoon of Oregano

Dash of Pepper

Dash of Garlic salt

Once all that stuff is in the crock pot top off with veggie broth.

Cook in the crock pot on high for 3 1/2 hours or until veggies are tender.

Toss in some no-yolk egg noodles and cook for 15 more minutes.

Done.

Not really cooking but cooking enough.

It was good.

My real bench mark for how good something I cook is not yummy sounds from the family but how much is left at the end of the night.

Last night there was less than half a bowl of chicken soup left.

Success.

Thank you for reading.

Posted on

Wherever you go . . .

I generally believe the sunset you see today is always the best sunset.

That said, sunsets over Chicago are pretty great.

Sunset from The Hilton McCormick Place in Chicago